Still at CMH

I talked to the nurse this morning. She mentioned that Chase's wound looks great and that the neurosurgeon want's him to be there until his antibiotics are finished which will be 11/18 and that she wants his wound to be monitored for a couple days after that. I'm guessing the earliest he will come home will be on 11/21, and that's the best case scenario. We will have to do wound care at home which we should be learning about tonight. This will leave 13 days until I go back to work. Not a lot of time.

I feel so shafted with the whole experience. I worried the second half of my pregnancy. I was induced. It took 27 hours for me to deliver. The myelomeningocele was never found on any of the multiple studies I had done. Now, Chase has spent 25 of his 26 days of life in a hospital in Chicago, and I haven't been able to really experience life as a mom. It all defiantly turns me off to the idea of having another child.

As bad as it sounds, I can't spend all day there with him. If I take the train in I get to the hospital around 830am, by the time B gets there it's already around 7pm. That's roughly 11 hours later. By that time, I'm spent, both physically and emotionally. We usually spend about 3 more hours together with Chase, so B gets a chance to visit. This totals to about 14 hours. So by the time we leave and get home it's 1130pm, and then I have to pump, so I'm going to be sometime after midnight, to wake up and be ready by 6 for B to take me to the train station...it's exhausting. I can't do it and it's in Chase's and my best interest not to do things this way, as I become an angry, sad, emotional, crying mess.

On top of long days as I described, I can only stare at him for so long. It's not like I can hold him normally, dress him, bathe him, sit him in a boppy, etc. He has to lay, tummy down, on a sponge mat. He's hooked up to a monitor and when his sensors fall off (as they always do)the alarm goes off. It's quite a hassle and it's quite frustrating. I just can't do it all day long. (Plus, the cafeteria food sucks and I am SO sick of eating McDonald's)

I'm about ready to just go back to work. This is where I know I could never be a stay at home wife/mom. Part time, yes. Full time, I would pull my hair out.

Well. I'm thinking I'm done with the pity party post for now. Here is where I leave you with my favorite pic I have (so far):

-e